‘Hello My Name Is Bride’: An Analysis of Weddings, Gender Roles, and Marriage

By: Rhonda Nemri

In our society today, we focus on the many things that seem important to us. One main thing that most people see as a natural process during life is marriage. Even though the marriage process is different now than ever before, we still have some historical background as to why we do the things we do, and how significant or insignificant it is when getting ready to become a married couple. As a young woman who has grown up in a Middle Eastern culture, marriage is one of (or supposed to be) the most important aspects of a woman’s life.

With the many reality televisions shows, books, and magazines, wedding planning has become a significant role for some women who plan on being married. During a graduate course that I took a couple of years back, I was involved in a research project that tailored around reality television shows such as Bridalplasty on E Network and David Tutera’s My Fair Wedding. These shows represented the many reasons why weddings have become so popular. My Fair Wedding focused on changing women’s own wedding plans into

My Fair Wedding With David Tutera

David Tutera’s vision, because her ideas were impractical to begin with, and not up to the expectations of what a perfect wedding should look like. Those women who have applied to become a part of this reality television show have agreed to let go any plans they initially had, and give up any right to say what color schemes to have, wedding themes, bridal gowns, reception hall, and bridesmaid dresses. All of this is done in order to capture a perfect wedding through the lens of a man, who seems to be popular in his career path, and one who knows more about style, and the perfect wedding. Bridalplasty focused more on altering women’s body or face so that she becomes the perfect bride. Women on a weekly basis in this show competed for a closer opportunity to get the whole package of getting plastic surgery done on her body and face before the wedding. Although this show doesn’t exist anymore because of the damage it was doing to the E network, these are the common things we see women doing when wanting to fit into their “perfect dress”, and have the princess-like fairytale wedding. After completing the rhetorical analysis and research for

Allyson’s Wish List on Bridalplasty

these shows, I have not stopped examining and looking into the wedding process and how it has changed our social lives and societal roles when it comes to weddings and marriage. In this discussion I will focus on the historical background of marriage and weddings, and how society views women and men when it comes to marriage through my feminist lens.

Historical Background of Weddings

Understanding the historical wedding traditions is something one must consider giving the fact we still practice the same views and traditional values from centuries ago. According to Simone de Beauvoir, “Modern marriage can be understood only in the light of a past that it tends to perpetuate in part” (De Beauvoir 426). Here are some things that we commonly do for weddings (These are things that I pulled from my research with my good friend/colleague Lisa Glancy (She does analysis’ on Women’s Rhetoric, and General Rhetorical Analysis’):

  •  1. During Ancient weddings couples that were to be married was not important event. Men would visit different villages to capture a woman to marry. “Wives were desired for sexual release, procreation, and household labor.” (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding). Women were often exchanged for cash or livestock for thousands of years.
  • 2. Early weddings in America were often private affairs within the families. They were held at home either at the bride’s house or the grooms (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding).
  • 3. By the 1820s and 1830s upper class weddings began to evolve and became recognizably the modern American wedding. These weddings had dinner, cake, receptions, and a toast to the bride and groom (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding).
  • 4. The phrase “Let’s Tie the Knot” or Let’s Get Hitched” is western slang about ‘hitchin’ up yer gal like a horse (The History of Wedding Traditions).  This term hitching was a process used for tying up horses.
  • 5. Bouquets and Flower Girls were symbolic meanings for the couple’s future life. Originally brides would carry wreathes and bouquets that were made up of herbs (Brideandgroom.com). Garlic was used to cast devil spirits, sage was used to bring wisdom, and dill meant that the bride was to become lusty (Brideandgroom.com). Flower Girls held sheaves of wheat that represented “growth, fertility, and renewal” (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding).
  • 6. Giving away the Bride symbolically means that the father gives her away to represent that she is no longer belonging (property) to her father. Also representing the price the groom will have to pay before taking away their daughter (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding).
  • 7. Shoes tied on the back bumper this symbolizes authority and possession because the brides shoes is taken away from her when led to the wedding place, and given to the groom by her father. This transfer means that her husband is now in possession of her and could not run away (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding).
  • 8. Veils represent virginity, innocence, and modesty. Also in Middle Eastern and Asian countries women were to wear veils so that their groom does not see them.
  • 9. Wedding dresses in biblical times were the color blue which represented purity not white. White wedding dresses became popular in the middle ages by Anne of Brittany in 1499 (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding).
  • 10. Wedding rings in medieval times had the brides three fingers bound to represent the father, the son, and Holy Spirit. (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding). Wedding rings came from the idea that women were wrapped around in chains and ropes, to ensure her spirits do not leave her (Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding).
  • 11. Bridal Showers rooted back in Holland. If the father did not approve of her husband-to-be, he would not give her a dowry. Therefore her friends will then shower her with gift to replace her father’s dowry. The bride will then be able to still marry the man of her choice.

Marriage through My Feminist Lens

For a while now, the thought of marriage has been roaming through my head. It isn’t the fact that I am not married yet; it is the fact that women have taken marriage to a different level. I shouldn’t just state that only women are like this, it is all genders, cultural backgrounds, and different generations. Looking at the historical backgrounds of each traditional aspect, as a society today, we have definitely taken those traditions and have expanded on things that are not really necessary, or valuable to us. I am not one who is opposed to marriage, because I want to be married someday, however as I fully get exposed to the marriage process, I have come to the realization that a lot of these traditions are non-sense, and take away from the actual reasoning of marriage.

When looking at the traditions such as giving away the daughter from one man to the other, this is quite present in our society today. We can notice that we hardly ever see the mother playing as one of the major roles in giving her daughter away. Some have stated that they have involved their mothers in the wedding planning, but we can also state that the father is ultimately the one that gives his daughter’s hand away. It is also a symbolism that the father (patriarchy) will pass off his daughter to the next patriarchy in her life (her husband). According to Simone De Beauvoir, “what bourgeois optimism has to offer to the engaged girl is certainly not love; the bright ideal held up to her is that of happiness, which means the ideal of quiet equilibrium in a life of immanence and repetition” (De Beauvoir 447). In The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir described marriage as an “obscene bourgeois institution” (Wolf). Women inessential and man is essential. Women are the other whereas man is the absolute. “All love requires the duality of a subject and an object” (De Beauvoir 629). A woman is seen as just the other in the relationship. The subject of her life is her man, her husband, and her soul mate.

Men and women are placed as the subject/object when they form a union. It is not commonly based on love, however based on the economic decisions that the couple makes. People get married because this is society’s expectations. Often times women will escape their father and mothers household to become free, yet she is not really free once married. She will take on the roles of wife and mother, by cooking and cleaning, and taking care of her children and husband. “Marriages, then, are not generally founded upon love…the husband is, so to speak, never more than a substitute for the beloved man, not that man himself” (De Beauvoir 434). Even though some men don’t view themselves as domineering or taking control of the marriage, the socially constructed norms of how a marriage should be is that the man is always the “man of the house”, and the women negates herself for her man so that he can feel whole (hence women stay home cook, clean, and raise the children). I can see a lot of people being open-minded about marriage these days, but I feel that what happens before the marriage is what intrigues me as well.

Since women are commonly seen as the other, she is also seen this way before she is even married. For instance, Something’s I have noticed lately in my culture is that a young lady/woman is always looked at as a future bride.  In the Middle Eastern culture even when she is not with a man or not even getting married she is still referred to as a bride. In Arabic this is known as Ahroose (Ah-roose). She is constantly referred to as the bride because in the eyes of the Arab society she will one day be the wife of a man. Also generally speaking, women when engaged are always referred to as the bride. If you notice in some television shows such as Say Yes to the Dress, she is always referred to as the bride and not her name. In my culture even after she has gotten married, she is still referred to as the “bride”. She holds the most prestigious role, and that means she is now married and responsible to take on her life, and to finally be recognized as a woman. The bride must always be beautiful, perfect body shape, perfect dress, perfect make-up, and perfect hair. All of this is lovely; however, the grooms’ roles are very much different. Even though some grooms are included in the wedding planning, he is still just seen as a man/groom and not ridiculed for how he looks on the day of the wedding by the guests. The fact that grooms are rarely involved in any of the production (frequently only appearing in the ceremony and reception after all arrangements have been made); it would be easy to paint them as subjects, who anticipate the coming of their objects of desire. Women have the capability to exceed any oppressive situation that they are in, but they reject this choice – either because they believe there is no other way out, or because they are content with adhering to traditional societal expectations.

Another aspect of marriage I want to focus on is the idea of women changing their surname. Even though it is a never-ending cycle of using a man’s surname, women are often joyous and exhilarated to take their husband’s surname. Since women often take their fathers surname, it is quite evident that using a man’s last name is something that we cannot rid. However, the idea that society sees when changing the surname is to make the marriage official, and connected to the man much more. Some women choose to hyphenate their names using their last names and their husband’s last names, but legally, she is always expected to have her husband’s name, never the other way around. For example, we may often hear (example name), “I would now like to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Nicholas Johnson. You hardly ever hear a woman’s name included when presenting both couples, because it is now the man who represents her. From my perspective, I believe keeping a last name is more of an identity that you choose to maintain in your life because as a person you have established your life with that name. Whether good or bad experiences occurring, that last name has gone with us throughout our lives. Ideally I would like to keep my last name, however both parties must be willing to compromise and see the reasons why a woman would want to keep her name. Nonetheless, the changing of the surname is a significant process in the marriage to conclude the bonding stage of the couples.

Seeing it that there are many different cultures who have different traditions for their ceremonies, I will talk about the American/Arab culture who mainly derive around Christian-like traditions. The ceremony being a huge part of the wedding, it is also apparent that the father walks his daughter down the aisle. However, the ceremony is usually concluded with a phrase “I will now pronounce you man and wife”. In this situation some ceremonies have changed a bit and state “man and woman”, or “husband and wife”, however the statement “man and wife” very much occurs during the conclusion’s of the ceremony. Women are still seen as the wife, because that is ultimately her role, while the man is just a man, who will always be a man and nothing else. He is a husband; however he is only referred to that label when it is convenient. He is the provider, man of his house, the one who works, while he expects his wife to be at home and take care of house duties and cooking. I know the controversy behind all of this is that not all men are like this. I agree, they aren’t, but in my perspective the majority is. I have analyzed a lot of things lately and have just heard women say that it is our “job” to be in the house and have kids. I don’t necessarily see it as a job, I see it as a natural human obligation to take care of their home, not because of our gender but because it is our priority, and not an expectation. I believe when it comes to marriage or any relationship, a man shouldn’t expect his wife/ woman to do house chores; this is something that must be 50/50 between the two.

“The tragedy of marriage is not that it fails to assure woman the promised happiness-there is no such thing as assurance in regards to happiness-but that it mutilates her; it dooms her to repetition and routine” (De Beauvoir 478). “As long as the man retains economic responsibility for the couple, this is only an illusion. It is he who decides where they will

Sarcasm

live, according to the demands of his work; she follows him from city to country or vice versa, to distant possessions, to foreign countries; their standard of living is set according to his income; the daily, weekly, annual rhythms are set by his occupation; associations and friendships most often dependent on his profession” (480).  The women must basically give up her identity and alter it to her husband’s identity. It is she who must change not the man, because ultimately he is the” ruler of his kingdom”.

Conclusions

Weddings are occurring in every possible culture, it is the bonding of two people who will remain together and hopefully forever. A society begins new traditional values of weddings and marriage, and the old ones still very much occur in our lives. As a we can see women have these roles that they must go by, and same for men. I believe that because women are so used to these roles, they believe that these traditions are the true meaning of happiness and love. Women will always dream of that day when she wears the dress, and becomes the center of attention. Nonetheless, women should also focus on not being labeled always as bride, because the label bride becomes an identity that she must fulfill, when she shouldn’t. The wedding planning, colors, dresses, make-up is an inevitable process for wedding planning, and is something I am sure I will come across when I get married, however, women shouldn’t just focus on fulfilling the brides image, and what societies expectations of her should be. We should be involved in becoming subjects, and connect with our mate on a deeper level, and not just focus on the petty things like colors, food, music, etc. These are important to consider for a lovely day, but shouldn’t be the reasons why we lose our minds just to become a perfect bride. When we try to be the perfect bride, we lose sight of who we are because we then become too focused on changing our appearance for others, and not for ourselves. Shows like Say Yes to the Dress, are shows that market and sell what a bride should have, and how she should look. The more we watch these shows, the more we begin to want something we can’t have, or want something that is only fitting for others.

Surely the wedding industry will continue to make their money, however if one chooses to create the perfect wedding, choose it to be your idea of what perfect is, and not what some else’s idea of perfect is. Finally, in a marriage it should not just focus on duties, and expectations of each other. Women should not always be associated with roles such as wife, or housewife. Indeed, these are things that a women becomes when she is married, however, let us not focus on the fact that she is a servant to her husband. A man shouldn’t expect his wife to be the one to do everything for him just because he makes the money and provide, he should allow his wife to be herself, and explore all possible opportunities that she may have. Opportunities such as educations, working, traveling, etc., and not just feel that when she gets married her aspirations and wants in life diminishes for the sake of her marriage. Let’s not focus on just the man having a job to support, and focus on both being able to be successful, and supporting each other. This is something that has been roaming through my mind, and has been something I have always wanted to bring up. Not only does this occur in the Middle Eastern cultures, it occurs in a lot of other cultures. I have been watching young women (even older) talk about these things that bothers them about marriage and their potential future. Struggling with their thoughts of whether to not go forward with their education or to stop their education for marriage. I have also seen women who focus so much on becoming perfect and not accepting herself, only because she has societal expectations to fulfill. It is hard for one to remove their mindset from something they are so used to. But the more we start changing our mindset on things that may or will better us, the more we have a healthy and positive traditions that we pass on for the future. Working together, and helping others see that their life is valuable, is something that is much-needed.

References

Bride and Groom. Retrieved from http://brideandgroom.com/

De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex. Vintage Books: New York, 1989 .

Here Comes the Bride: History of the American Wedding. 2007. 5 April 2011
<www.randomhistory.com/1-50.009wedding.html>.

The History of Wedding Traditions. 2006. 20 March 2011 <www.brideandgroom.com>wedding-
articles/wedding-traditions-2.asp>.

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19 Comments

  1. August 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Wow! This is amazing and fascinating. Thanks for sharing. In my religion, people get married in a temple, and in that ceremony, none of the patriarchal traditions are used. However, couples tend to uphold those roles and traditions in their marriages, which I find a little sad. I like what you say about women maintaining their own identities and being an actual person with goals and aspirations rather than “just” a wife. Wife and mother are important roles, but having one’s own identity is equally as important.

  2. feministtalk said,

    August 12, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Thank You for your comment. In a lot of religions and cultures the patriarchy exists. Even though some of the wedding traditions are a bit different, they somehow still have some connection to each other. I do hope that women begin to understand the concept of goals and aspirations, because some are afraid of stepping outside of the norm, and becoming something more than just the roles given to them. Surely women choose to be mothers, and wives, but some only believe that is all they have.

    Thanks for reading

  3. nutaliuh said,

    August 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Interesting article! And I hate hate haaate that it’s supposed to be the ‘happiest day of your life’.
    Can I ask you though, why you still want to get married sometime? I mean it’s already such an oppressive system and there are alternatives like civil unions. Would you ever consider that instead?

    • feministtalk said,

      August 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

      Good question, I think it is because culturally women and men are supposed to. Despite the fact some cultural things are non-sense, I still want to be married. I could consider civil unions, but of course my family would frown upon that. I would like to do what I please, but sometimes, just sometimes I appreciate my culture, and the things I am taught with it. I think marriage is a beautiful thing if I am not constantly put in the situation where I am a possession or an object. It is hard to be married because you are right, it is an oppressive system, but you can’t let the system get to you. It will be hard because there are so many thing wrong about the system that tends to control the lives of some people. Thank you for allowing me to think about it in the way you asked it. 🙂

      • nutaliuh said,

        August 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm

        Thanks for your wonderful reply! I understand where you’re coming from, I’m half Turkish and I think that’s why I still defend the choice (well, as far as the choice bit goes) to wear headscarves even though deep down I dislike what they stand for. Also, thanks for following me, I found your blog that way and I’m glad I did!

  4. feministtalk said,

    August 16, 2012 at 5:19 am

    You are welcome my dear!. It is because of the Turkish people that have made more Arabs romantic and loving 😉 Hence the turkish soap operas lol. On another note, I believe that many times we are put in situations that we don’t like, and are left with tough decisions whether or not to make up our own minds, or make up our minds according to what others want. The head scarf is an option to some women, but I also have some opposing opinions about it. Do you follow islam? or are you a non-believer (if you don’t mind me asking).

    • nutaliuh said,

      November 11, 2012 at 9:36 pm

      Oh no I just saw this comment! I had no notification haha. Turkish soap operas are great!
      I am an atheist but I find myself defending Islam a lot, especially in the US.

  5. fary wd said,

    November 25, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    nice talk ^^

  6. December 4, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Awesome post and informational, and very good perspectives on the topic (not that you need my approval or agreement or compliments). You did miss one very, very important type of wedding that takes place, in the US as well as across the world, and a very significant one at that.

    • feministtalk said,

      December 4, 2012 at 2:57 pm

      Hi, I haven’t seen your posts in a while. What type of wedding did I miss? Thanks for your comment

      • December 5, 2012 at 8:56 am

        I’ve been in quite an interesting season that the Lord has been doing a very important, might I say vital work in my heart on a few levels over the past handful of months now. Had been away from a lot of social media presence as well as other arenas, and just beginning to resurface, so to speak. Some areas neglected and others unknown that needed serious attention that Christ loved me so much to bring me to confront them and work them out. Don’t want to go through it ever again, but I’ll thank Him with my life for it.

        The wedding you missed 🙂 was the type that I have performed, twice, as a minister, where there is no misogyny, no inequality, no questionable tradition, matter of fact, not much tradition at all, but very Christ-centered, where there is a very overt expression of equality (esp. see Galatians 3:28), and if anything, where the man is the chief servant of the house (esp. see 1 Peter 3:7).

        I emphasized to the men in my messages, rather charged them, to understand that while the bible says for a wife to respect her husband, it so much further tells the husband to love his wife as Christ the church, and lay his life down for her…a far greater sacrifice and extent of service. I take opportunities I get to really speak to men and spark awakening and stirring from such lazy, excuse-laden lifestyles where they expect women to be maids, and they perpetuate sloppiness that leads to horrible examples and issues in other areas of their lives and relationships, including never really growing up in some areas.

        I know many awesome men and marriages that do this the right way. Unfortunately, I still see and believe that they are the minority. I believe wholeheartedly in the model of servant-leadership, which is not only what the churches I serve at fully advocate, but what I believe is a standard across the board for leadership, and including model for husbands in marriages. Servant-leadership is almost an oxymoron in our society with what we dub leadership as because servant-leadership submits to others, empowers others as equals, sets the example by serving, and can even carry a greater part of the load than the rest.

        To me, if one were to live like that, they deserve mutual submission and respect.

        Of course, as I close this extended reply, not to make out relationships as a karma-only thing, because true love has unconditionality, which goes beyond getting what we deserve to getting what we don’t deserve: forgiveness, grace, mercy. That’s what makes it a true marriage and not a business deal.

        [Long reply from a fellow blogger and thinker] 🙂

      • feministtalk said,

        December 5, 2012 at 9:36 pm

        Thanks for your response. Yeah what you have named is not seen a lot. There are men who are wonderful and do the complete opposite of what society usually expects. Unfortunately they are the minority. However, I wrote this, because this is all i usually see, and this is what is expected. Which i hope to fight this norm and go the other way. I hope all men and women find happiness in relationships, where it is equality, happiness, and respect of each other as human beings.

  7. December 6, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    You’re right, my stated scenario is a minority, but thankfully, I have seen it a lot, in addition to what I advocate for and performed as a minister. I’ve been fortunate to come into contact with many awesome men and couples through great circles of fellowship. Most of them were Christians in church groups or volunteerism, so I suppose I would expect a high standard there if they follow the One who set such a high bar for equality and dignity of women and other societal ‘outcasts’. (We’re all outcastish in our own ways.)

    Speaking of ‘fighting’, I have a very burning question for you. I was sharing on a post of a fellow anti-trafficking / anti-exploitation colleague that she is one of the few fellow feminists that has not made me feel on the outside and unengagable. As a male feminist (one who simply believes in complete equality across the board and is honest about the gender inequalities pervasive everywhere), I have had great frustrations with trying to dialogue or otherwise come alongside other feminist individuals or groups because there have been several times they have expressed themselves in ways that make me feel they’re huddled up with other ‘radical’ feminist women, angry at the world, bashing men (although they occasionally make the comment “we don’t hate men”), and it makes me feel like I’m not included or can’t join in the conversation and express my outrage.

    I think the most difficult thing to deal with is their semi-unbridled anger. I know so many men who are put off by that alone, that they are counterproductive if they are really wanting to reach the other side with their message. Martin Luther King Jr’s dream was based in love and reconciliation with those who were his contemporary oppressors and offenders. His mode of operation coincided with this, and he very regularly taught and emphasized to his followers this type of gentleness and respect in their behaviors amidst peaceful protest. He wasn’t out to win riots and race wars.

    You are one of the few feminists I feel respected by. You carry yourself (in your writings) with dignity amidst your frustration at injustice, no matter how personal those injustices have been to you. And you are approachable by men such as myself, and you make me feel like my support and understanding counts and is appreciated.

    What is your experience and your take on what I’m sharing here, and in the feminist circles you may be a part of or come across in your advocacy?

    • feministtalk said,

      December 6, 2012 at 5:41 pm

      By the way, thank you for viewing me this way. It is hard to be viewed this way, especially being a woman in a male-dominated culture.

  8. feministtalk said,

    December 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Hey, well first of all, a lot of people turn away and do not admit they are feminists. So a lot of feminists feel the need to be on the defense a lot because many do not understand the understanding of what women go through. A lot of times people misunderstand our points. Some women are very radical and hate patriarchy, and their solutions is to remove and destroy the patriarch. While other feminists are more for reform. You can never be seen as a feminist in their eyes because you ARE the patriarchy. You believe in equality and rights for women, and you believe in feminism, which makes you pro feminists. Perhaps asking them how they feel about certain things, and let them see how you are for equality. I do get upset at times from others who do not understand my points, that is because they don’t fully grasp my reasoning, and they are used to what they have been taught. So i get angry because every time i make a point or suggestion, I am attacked because they believe it is my feminism that has me blinded from rationality. Women are seen is emotional and irrational, and hardly rational. So when a strong minded woman speaks up she is easily turned down because of her strong opinions. Either way they see you with an advantage all the time because your have many more privileges than they do. I work with a few men and a couple are pro feminists, and they indulge in a lot of philosophy works written by Sarte and Simone de Beauvoir. So the more you read on feminists writings and works the more you understand and form a dialogue about the topics. I hope this helps 🙂

    • December 7, 2012 at 8:26 am

      It does help. That said, I am very well-read and understanding, perhaps on an emotional level beyond the cognitive in a way that most men aren’t or wouldn’t take the time to be. It coincides with my anti-exploitation work and advocacy very directly. The principles are the very same. And especially because of my walk with Christ, who was the ultimate male feminist and quickest to go against His own culture’s norms when they were in the least bit unjust. If anyone were to read my posts in various areas of social media, they would understand this. But with some of the people I have ‘dialogued’ with, even in person, they carry a wall around with them that seems impenetrable from the onset, before discussion takes place. And especially in a group setting…perhaps I’m cowering from asserting myself? I get what you’re saying about me being the embodiment of patriarchy, being a man, but it is a preconceived notion.

      I’m just saying it’s frustrating when the majority of feminists I’ve tried to connect with or come alongside have been this way, and it makes me feel like there is a lot of counterproductive advocacy going on. I’m not referring to your case, where your frustration comes after those around are not listening or trying to unstrap the bounds of society’s ways and their experiences to understand the big picture of the reality. If that makes sense.

      Anyway, sorry to use your blog to vent. I guess I feel able to share in this way because of the way you walk this out, in a way that invites others and doesn’t blindly push at everything in sight. Again, if that makes sense. I hope I’m coming across the right way because those who know me closely know the passion of my heart. My blog only captures a slice of the essence.

      Peace and grace to you sister. Thank you so kindly for listening and fielding my thoughts… 🙂

      • feministtalk said,

        December 7, 2012 at 6:17 pm

        To tell you the truth even as a feminist, I get shut out by other feminists as well. I am not very radical really, however, I may come off as radical to those who have not indulged in feminism. There are feminists who do hate men, and want to neglect any man who tries to think they are for equality. But hang in there, you will soon find out that it isn’t about trying to get other feminists to “like” you, and it it is more about yourself and internal thoughts. Hardly I see men who admit they are feminists or agree with a feminists agenda. So I am glad to know that you are very much involved with trying to make a difference.

      • December 8, 2012 at 12:34 am

        I really appreciate your words of encouragement and perspective there, thank you for that. It’s good grounding for me to remember, especially in those ‘moments’ that come time to time. Very appreciated and well-received.

  9. December 7, 2012 at 8:39 am

    You’ve inspired a post I’m going to put out, by the way: “Men who wish to silence or dismiss women speaking up and telling the truth are generally either insecure, prideful, controlling or lazy.” Thank you.


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