Do They Know?

baba

 

Do they know? Do they feel? Do they wonder? Do they see? Do they expect? Do they have hope? Do they still love? These questions all surround one explicit idea, and inevitable part of our lives. The dying.

How hard it must be to come to reality that you will not get better. How terrifying it must be to know there is a chance you will one day take your last breath unexpectedly. Just that small ounce of hope they have. That look they give you that they have given up.

The most petrifying look you can see in their eyes. Would they still be here if they would have tried a little harder, or was this it? It was that last look you gave that you may not return home. The sickness that made you weaker. The sickness that took your strength. The sickness that made you doubt. The sickness that made you cry. The sickness that made you lose yourself. The sickness that left your family within darkness. The sickness that took you away. The difficulties to look before your last days. The difficulties it has been to accept, but regardless move forward. You were smart, and you didn’t kid yourself. You knew. You felt. You accepted it, without us knowing you did. You tried to be stronger, but it took over you. The last days of your life were the most difficult, because it was supposed to be the road to your recovery. But instead it was to a dark, and unsettling road. It was your destiny. It was your story coming to an end, but your memory to an eternal life.

Your eyes had darkness, your heart of gold.
Your sounds of love, your feelings of old.
You whispered in my ear, you are strong.
I looked to your eyes, and hymned your song.
The song of strength. The song of your life.
Despite your end, we still stand.
Never forget you, as we still hold your hand.
Your memories are forever ours.
As each one of us were your stars.
A father we loved together with those days.
Together as a family we made our ways.
As we still remember in our lives.
We think of you still standing by our side.

In Loving Memory of My Father July 26, 1960-June 8th, 2013

An Open Letter: What Happened To Us?

Dear family, friends, and acquaintances,

What happened to us? What happened to the concept of family and close friends?

Have we really lost all reality of what it means to be family? Have we engaged in such superficial dialogue that when we speak to each other there is some hidden agenda?

Can you remember the last time you actually asked about each other without feeling it was an inconvenience? We hide our troubles and pain from each other. Not because we may cause a burden, but because there may be a small portion of that discussion that we may feel will be used against us.

Whether we lost a parent, child, uncle, aunt, grandparent, or cousin, we only appear to ask about each other when in mourn. We are quick to say “if you need anything let me know”, but also so quick to turn away from those who require someone to be there for them emotionally.

We are appearing to engage with each other through online mediums such as Facebook or snapchat, but find it hard to really ask a person how they are doing to their face. We have superficial dialogue that comes immediate to us to ask a person “how are you?” But not really care for the response.

We portray a different person online, comment on pictures, or share photos hoping someone would like it.

I remember as a child when it was someone’s birthday we would always get together. Whether cook outs, holidays, or just to get together. Now we use the excuse that people are getting old, or people have their own families to deal with. This is the time where we should be around each other.

When someone’s in trouble it becomes difficult to help them because we don’t have time. We only grow closer to someone when we lose them.

Some of us are hurting in silence. Some of us are showing hurt in front of all. But we refuse to actually ask our family to speak up and dialogue about the pain.

We defend those so quick that aren’t family or close friends, and put down those who need us the most.

Some things are personal and should be left personal. Your business is yours! I’m talking about the support system that has disappeared. It’s so easy to say “did you hear about so and so”. We enjoy gossip, and talking about other people who we call family. We get involved with someone’s life decisions when it’s convenient for us. We become judgmental because people’s life choices are not ours. We don’t stand up for those who need us the most.
We are quick to make a Facebook status about our feelings, rather than talk to the person about the problems. We seek validation from strangers, and not solve the issue directly with the person we have the problem with.

When someone wants to get married, we talk about why we don’t like the person they chose, and instead we choose not get to know the other person, and see for ourselves. We tell someone how they should spend their money, or ask how much they paid for something. We are consumed with the idea that money is above all. We let money come between family. “He owes me this, or she took this from me”.

We tell those to get a better job, without even knowing what job they already have.
We are too quick to make recommendations, and not understand the other persons perspective.

We believe we know best about someone else’s bad or good choices, without examining our own faults.

We call ourselves Godly, and find it hard to help people in need.

We teach our kids to live a materialistic life, and not understand the true meaning of living.

We separate ourselves from each other based on social and economic status.

We are becoming greedy, and teaching our kids to be greedy as well.

We expect something in return when we do something good for someone.

We get mad or stop talking to each other for things in the past, and go to church with hate in our hearts.

If you believe you have some dark things about yourself that you need to change, take the time to do so.

Show love and compassion to one another.

Visit family members when you can. I know it’s not easy for myself to visit family. But the attempt to actually know your family is needed. What we knew about each other before, is different today.

We get defensive when someone points out the wrong in us.

I know who has been there for me and my family. I also know that my family is open to helping others. Let us help people without any expectation to get something in return.

There is a deep sadness and nostalgic feeling in me that wishes it were my childhood, because that’s when I have felt the most happiness. No technology, no Facebook, just family and making memories. Playing dodgeball with my siblings and cousins, basketball, playing outside and just being children. To go back to that is impossible, but we can make the best of it.

Redefine family to what it used to be and not just something that is disposable.

If I have wronged anyone at all I apologize. I hope that someday we can be honest with each other in a positive way before it is too late. When someone leaves this earth, we begin to feel a bit of regret because of the way we treated them or didn’t treat them.
We all go through something that can’t be explained, but we can be compassionate to one another because we have the ability to be human and loving.

If you got defensive or angry from this, that wasn’t the point. Just to redefine your purpose if you feel a bit lost or hurt.

Sincerely,
Me