Resisting Fear, Loving More

love and fear

What have we learned from our horrible experiences? Has it made us stronger? Or has it completely taken over our lives? It can most certainly be both. Some experiences are easy to hide and you hardly ever go back to the memory of that experience. However, there are certain things that one goes through that feels impossible to get over. I am guilty of living in the past, and letting it get the best of me. However, I tend to find it very comforting to know there is one or two people that I can go to, to express my feelings. What I have learned is that even though you have those people to go to, they will not necessarily grasp the entirety of your feelings and emotions. So what do we do? From my experience, withholding your feelings is not the best thing. Therefore, seek help when help is needed. A good listener can take you a long way. My goal is to not predict outcomes in my head, and to just let it be.

I recently read a book “Love is Letting Go of Fear” by author Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D. This book was published in 1979, and I was pretty amazed by how relatable it was to me. Given the book is dated, it is still relevant to how we tend to behave during good or bad experiences. One of my most relatable parts of this book is the following.

We often believe that the fears of the past can successfully predict the fears of the future. The result of this type of thinking are that we spend most of our time worrying about both the past and future, creating a vicious cycle of fear, which leaves little room for Love and joy in the present (Jampolsky 20).”

One of the things I will keep asking myself after reading this quote is, am I going to go on with my day with peace of mind or conflict? I believe I deal with a lot of conflict, but tend to want the outcomes to be peaceful. We need to be more conscious about what we  choose to have as our conflicts, as not all conflicts are necessary to dwell on. When people lash out or hurt others, it is because they have fear.  Fear is the most nauseating thing to experience. You can wake up with it, and go to sleep with it. It will eat you alive. We react negatively due to fear. We fear of losing, we fear of loving, and/or we fear of failing. These are all legitimate things to fear, but should not consume our lives. Again, I am nowhere saying I have resolved all my conflict and fears, but I am getting there slowly but surely.

We need to be more open to helping those in need, and being there for the people that matter. One of the major key points I have learned over the years, and throughout the readings, is that forgiveness is a significant factor in how we proceed with our lives. Forgiveness is not to say the other person gets a free pass. It is allowing yourself to move forward, and not hold all the bitterness inside, allowing it to take over you. I have forgiven many people, but I am well aware that they have hurt me or disregarded me during that moment. But, I should not hold on to it forever, and live a bitter life. People make mistakes, and so do I. I am sure I have done something inconsiderate to someone, and they have forgiven me. I am no better than them. If they have not forgiven me, then I can’t make them. This is something they have to choose to do on their own. We can also choose to forgive people, and not have them in our lives. But if we continue to keep them in our lives we should not focus on what they have done to us, but rather how they have proceeded after the conflict or mishap. Most of all we need to forgive ourselves, and keep working on bettering ourselves.

Authored By: Rhonda N.


Love, Hope, Strength, Faith: Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure

By: Rhonda Nemri

It was last May of 2015, I signed up to do the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I decided to join because most of my coworkers/friends had joined, and I thought to myself it’s for a good cause. I didn’t know anyone with breast cancer, but I still felt connected to it because cancer had affected my family. My father was diagnosed with bladder cancer in November of 2012, and had lost his battle in June of 2013. So the connection was highly there, as I related this race to the loss of my father from cancer. It was my first 5k for a cancer event. Even though it was an unrelated cancer it still pushed me to participate, and feel the pain those felt fighting breast cancer, and losing to it. 

This year as the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure approached it was different for me. I wanted to join not only because it was for cancer, but because my mother was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in January of 2016, and is currently seeking treatment for it. I don’t share this with many people, but this event has prompted me to share my thoughts.

Signing up for this race I thought to myself I’m going to participate in this and experience it in a different light. I was supposed to meet my coworkers/friends for a pre race photo at our company office the morning of the race, which is only a few blocks away. I was running late, and thought I will just walk to this event alone and wait for them there since I was running a bit behind for the photo.

When I actually got to the event, I noticed so many people there dressed in full support for the cause. Women and even men all dressed in pink, children running around with supportive gear, and different booths set up for free items for supporting.

When I got closer to the main stage, they began their announcements, and upbeat music to get us in preparation for the race/walk. They announced that they would have a survivors parade, which entailed breast cancer survivors walking and cheering with signs that stated Faith, Hope, Strength, and Love. At that moment I felt very connected and tears rushing down my face. I wanted the tears to stop to avoid people staring, but it didn’t work. It was an overwhelming feeling I couldn’t control. After a few minutes I felt this positive vibe, and  then realized how many women and even men suffer with breast cancer. These survivors allowed me to see the strength in these women who have fought with it, but also those who have lost their battle. It did however give me hope and faith.

I’ve connected with these women and they didn’t even know it. I thought about my mother through this all, and remembered how strong she is. She doesn’t have an easy life, but she manages to wake up and get through her day fighting. Something I believe I may not be able to do if I were in her shoes.

I was alone for the most part of the beginning, and wondered if my coworkers/friends should be with me so I wouldn’t cry or break down. But I am glad I had that moment to myself. 

I was doing the 5k run, and most of them signed up for the 10k so I even ran alone. I kept thinking I don’t care about what time I would finish this race, I just wanted to finish it regardless of time. 

The race started at 8 am and run start time began at 8:03 am. As I was running I noticed all the different types of runners. The ones that were survivors, the ones that were running for the cause, and the ones that were running on behalf of those who lost their battle. I was the runner that was running on behalf of my mother who is currently living with this cancer and fighting it each day. It inspired me to keep running.
I passed my first mile, and felt I’m not going to stop. I did eventually stop for a moment to walk, but I kept going. As I was approaching the finish line I noticed those cheering me and the others near me to finish. I sprinted to the finish line and the tears came down. I was again alone and just noticed all those around me celebrating their finish. I was happy and proud for them, even though I didn’t know them. I grabbed my banana and water and sat on the cool grass watching those finishing the race.

When I finally met with my coworkers/friends I was happy to see them and high fived them for finishing the 10k. We took plenty of picture and danced a little. It was beautiful and an experience I won’t forget. I have done plenty of 5k races for different diseases, but this one in particular will always be one I won’t forget. 

Participating in these races allows you to give to the cause, as well as running for those who have fought and/or lost their battle. It actually pushes you to keep going. 

Ever since losing my father to cancer, and watching my mother fighting breast cancer, life has been seen in a different perspective. Cancer is a scary word, and we automatically think of loss. But we must continue to be there and fight with those battling it. Your world may be turned upside down, but eventually you will learn to see the beauty of life and how fragile it is. 

It’s a cliché thing to say “you never know when it is your last day”, but this is a true statement. I never knew I would lose my father at such a young age, and I never thought my mother would get breast cancer. But it has helped me to want to help those who may have experienced a loss, and going through grief. It isn’t easy to live with so much grief, but it shapes you to be a stronger and better person in such an unfortunate way. 

I’m thankful to know I am not in this alone, and there are many supportive people. I thank them for their existence in my life, they know who they are 😊

Check out the few pics from the event!